I have always been a great believer in Fate. Whatever will be will be and that my life is planned out and all I have to do is live it. This could seem like quite a naive view on life, but it is mine.
This week was the week it all ended. I could write a really malicious blog post about it and turn myself in to a helpless victim, but I'm just not like that. Niether is this blog going to be a clever way to insult Him. Its just me telling it as I see it.
I'm not even hurt about how it happened or why, I am just a little bit sad and angry because it should of happened before either of us went back to uni if what was said is true.
Instead I am looking at it a different way. Fate obviously had/has a plan for me and Him. I now don't know what it is or when it should have happened. But it was not supposed to be now or what it was.
At the same time though, I am not going to waste this new 'freedom' that I have by waiting to see what is going to happen, if anything. I am just going to enjoy what I have: great friends, I'm at a good university and I'm in reasonable health (well after freshers week, this could be contested). If someone comes along, its just an added extra.
I am also now going to be completely honest with myself and how I feel about things and I think that is something we both need to do. It will not only save our own feelings, but also the feelings of others.
Its amazing how much I have learnt over the year, good and bad, and everything that I have has meant that I have become a hell of a lot stronger. I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin and am realising that people love me for who I am and not what I could be.
I hope that we will be friends in the long run, even though right now I don't feel quite so optimistic! (Which is understandable!!)
But then again, who know what is going to happen in the future. What will be will be, right?
Song of the moment: Whats Left by 3 Doors Down.
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