Sunday, 23 October 2011

Jagerbombs, Cookies and a River

So it been a good week, I think!
Monday was pretty standerd: gym, lectures, go out. This time I went out with one of my corse friends and all her friends, who turn out to mostly be on the same corse as me... This gathering (a birthday) was combined with an army night out, which includes one of my best mates. So that was a nice surprise. To be honest, me and my corse friend got really quite drunk and I spent all my money on Jagerbombs. I remember the visual, just no audio. It was a good night.
Wednesday afternoons have now become baking afternoons. This week we made cookies. Lots of cookies. 40 to be exact, and that was only the mixture that made it to being actual cookies. They were amazing though, all chewy and the chocolate stayed slightly melted. However, when I left my friends house, the cookies that I took with me effectively got frozen outside. It is that cold up here. I can see my breathe when I am in bed sometimes. I really could have done with a human radiator that night!
I have also had a field trip this week. It was the most boring thing I have done. 9 hours of studying a rivers formation, features  and movements across the Northumberland landscape. The highlight of the day was chatting up one of the post-grads so that I could have a biscuit. It proved so successful I managed to get 3. As you can tell, I was thoroughly interested in the river... Don't think it helped that I had got drunk the night before and so only got 3 hours sleep. Oh well. Its only 5% of my total make for that module..
I have also got my reading week plans FINALLY sorted. Can't wait to head down South again, to the warm! Its also going to give me a break from the Toon so I wont go insane.
Overall, I am in good fettle and being positive. All seems to be going alright for the mo, and I hope to keep it this way!
I'm happy with who I am right now: me.

Monday, 17 October 2011

A New Week

Its Monday today. Going to the gym with one of my geography friends and then got lectures between 1pm and 4pm. This might seem all really unexciting, but after a weekend of being alone, bar a couple of hours, I just can't wait to get back into the world of social interaction.
You might be saying 'well why didn't you go and see people or go to the gym over the weekend?' Well, I had managed to pull a muscle in my thigh really badly, and therefore didn't want to push it. As for seeing my friends, they were all working or not in the Toon. This makes it quite hard to see them!
However, this alone time did mean that I could think things though and do some work. I half did my work, which means I am going to do a bit in my lecture. I have also decided that there is no point in wallowing, not in self pity mind, but just generally. Things could turn round for reading week: I might still go down, or go to Oxford and see one of my oldest friends, or I might just go home and get looked after by the Ma.
Also, one of my flat mates uncle died. This might not seem like a good thing, but it made me put the fact that mine is dying in prospective for me. I have to go and see him this turn, and in fact every term that he is still with us. It also made me think of the time that it is going to happen. I instantly knew what the first thing I would do is: call someone very important to me. I dont see this as a bad thing, just that they still mean a lot to me and I know that ultimately they would be there for me.
So I am generally more in control this week. I'm looking forward to going out with my mates a few nights this week (money permitting!) and I'm looking forward to my lectures... Strange. But there we have it! I AM going to make it to the gym a lot this week, still drunk or not. The only thing I'm not looking forward this week is the field trip I have on Saturday. Its going to be very cold.

Best album of all time: Friendly Fires.
I cant help but smile when I hear it.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

The Very Few.

I have huge loyalties to people that I care about. These are the people that I love and trust. Unfortunately, they are small in number, as I hardly let anyone in, but they are people who are important to me now and always.
But sometimes I forget about the loyalties I have to them and therefore hurt them. I honestly don't mean to, but I am human and I am going to make mistakes. I am sorry for these things.
I do admit that I am naive and that I have a lot to learn in life. But I am willing to try.
You know who you are.
Know that I am always here for you because I want to be.
I wouldn't be me without you.


I haven't really done all that much since my last post. Just been going about usual university life, except with a lot less going out.
I went to a house warming party on Saturday night. It started off a bit slow as people just stuck with their friends. This was until the alcohol started to be in full flow. I'm not going to lie, I did get quite drunk. It turned out to be a good night, een though I had the constant teasing of one of my course friends by my house mate... Turned it a little bit more exciting when another friend got involved and I had to defend myself that I didn't fancy this guy by out right offending him. This didn't really matter though and 4 of us walked home at about 2.30 in the morning. It was all good until my housemate decided to leave me and my course mate to 'bond'. Our version of bonding was stealing a sign from a bollard and him lugging it home to have cheese on toast. I had a a serious case of the giggles at this point and, to be honest, I was far too drunk. Just needed my bed.
That is probably the most exciting thing that has happened to me this week.
Oh, except for the fact that my reading week plans have fallen though. I would love to say I was surprised, but I am really not. Guess I knew it would happen and I think that that is why I kept putting off buying the tickets. Just didn't want to waste the money if I bought them too early.
All I want to do now is to go home to a warm house and be looked after. It sounds pathetic, but I just want a hug from someone who really cares about me, and I honestly don't know who that is any more. (Except from my ma!)

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Swings and Roundabouts

This week has been my first week of 'lectures'. I don't know if I can really call them that because they have really just been introductions to each of the modules that I am doing this year.
This has posed a question: Why did I choose them?!?! What was I thinking? They are so DULL. The only module I am actually looking forward to is the one that starts in Semester 2, in January.
I am also already bored of hearing about how important the Dissertation is next year, how its worth double the amount of credits and how we have to choose something that we enjoy, but something that we can gather data/do research for in the summer, etc. WE KNOW.
This week is the easy week. Next week all my seminars and practicals kick off, which is going to be even more exciting.... Also means that I'm going to have to start doing work as I have an exam in just over 2 weeks and many assignments due in before Christmas.
One thing I can be grateful for is that I do actually get a reading week.. Plans are still up in the air for it at the moment, but I plan to do something or go somewhere.
Also I am actually having a good time still. Loving being with my friends and getting back into the gym on a regular basis. So really, all is well up here. Hoping to go out at the end of the week with everyone, funds permitted! (Didn't go out last night as expected, but not actually a bad thing as I did make my 9 o'clock)
One thing I have learnt since my last post: I shouldn't be allowed my phone when I am drunk...

Saturday, 1 October 2011

Fate's Plans

I have always been a great believer in Fate. Whatever will be will be and that my life is planned out and all I have to do is live it. This could seem like quite a naive view on life, but it is mine.
This week was the week it all ended. I could write a really malicious blog post about it and turn myself in to a helpless victim, but I'm just not like that. Niether is this blog going to be a clever way to insult Him. Its just me telling it as I see it.
I'm not even hurt about how it happened or why, I am just a little bit sad and angry because it should of happened before either of us went back to uni if what was said is true.
Instead I am looking at it a different way. Fate obviously had/has a plan for me and Him. I now don't know what it is or when it should have happened. But it was not supposed to be now or what it was.
At the same time though, I am not going to waste this new 'freedom' that I have by waiting to see what is going to happen, if anything. I am just going to enjoy what I have: great friends, I'm at a good university and I'm in reasonable health (well after freshers week, this could be contested). If someone comes along, its just an added extra.
I am also now going to be completely honest with myself and how I feel about things and I think that is something we both need to do. It will not only save our own feelings, but also the feelings of others.
Its amazing how much I have learnt over the year, good and bad, and everything that I have has meant that I have become a hell of a lot stronger. I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin and am realising that people love me for who I am and not what I could be.
I hope that we will be friends in the long run, even though right now I don't feel quite so optimistic! (Which is understandable!!)
But then again, who know what is going to happen in the future. What will be will be, right?

Song of the moment: Whats Left by 3 Doors Down.