Tuesday, 24 January 2012

The Secret Baker

Over the past few days I have made: mocha kisses, biscotti, chocolate wafers, marshmallows and a lemon meringue pie, and will be making an orange and white chocolate cake for my brothers birthday on friday.
I have a not so secret passion for baking and I'm actually really quite good at it. It could be said I have a talent.
It makes me wonder whether I should do it more seriously.
I have decided to enter a famous T.V. baking competition when it is next on, and hopefully I have the skills to be whittled down to the final 12(?) that get on telly.
I love baking. Its so precise that I get enormous satisfaction from it when it turns out well, even though I am my harshest critic.
There are so many more techniques I have to learn, like puff pastry, danish pastries, brandy snaps, bread.. But the thought doesn't terrify me, it excites me to no end, and I am confident that I can master them too!
I know it sounds sad, but I do genuinely love it, almost as mush as I love Him!
I hope those people who have managed to have some of this weeks creations already, and those who have some coming their way, that really enjoy them and that they tell me honestly what they think and how they can be improved.
Could it be said that I am a baking addict??

Sunday, 15 January 2012

The Getaway

This week I have been on 'holiday'. It has been absolutely amazing having complete freedom and it has been what I needed.
Unfortunately I am leaving tomorrow. Technically I don't have to, but I feel like don't have a choice, even though I am not ready to. Every time I think about leaving here and going home I go into a small state of panic, which is not a good sign. The only reason I am leaving is that I need to start talking to the people that will determine what I do next year, and I cant do that without guidance.
I am also feeling pressures from home, that is not really helping me.. Once again, I am not being recognised as the 20 year old I am.
But this week has been has been incredible. I love the coast and I actually feel more at home here than I do at home. I have been staying in a friends flat that is basically on the beach. Today the sun is shining and the surf is obviously good with the amount of surfers in the water, its just beautiful.
Here are some pictures I took this week (I will take some more today):

I wish I could stay.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

My Current State of Affairs

I have recently had coffee with a friend who asked me a very good question. She asked me how I was doing since the summer, since the start of this blog.
I have been thinking about this quite carefully and I now think I can give a proper answer instead of the vague one I gave her at the time.
I depression got confirmed and 'diagnosed' by the doctor today. It is the same combination of things that I wrote about in my last post, I just now have an 'official' label for my unhappiness, even though I know that, with the right help, the light at the end of the tunnel isn't that far away.
However, even in this bad place, and all its symptoms, I still feel more confident in myself. I feel like I can ask for the help that I need from the people I need it from, even if they are proving a little reluctant, whereas previously I wouldn't have been able to.
The most important thing for me though, the thing that is a sure sign of my progress since June, is that I know that I will get better. I want to get better and get back to living and enjoying my life again.
I have already started making some decisions, and there are still some quite big ones to make, potentially life changing ones, but I feel that with more thinking time and input from others I can make them.
So I can say, that een with this low, I am, in general, still becoming more confident and self accepting as time goes on.
Just got to get over this small bump in the road..