Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Day 2 - The realisation

After I started it yesterday, I bought a book to help me with one area of my lack of self confidence. 'The Joy of Sex' isn't as cringey as you would think. I've only actually managed to read the intro, but its really interesting, and I already feel a bit more confident.
Also went to go and get measured, as, due to the pill, my boobs have grown. Well, actually one of my boobs have grown.. just another imperfection I am going to have to accept. But, now I know what size I am, I can go and buy some nice new underwear... Always makes a girl feel more sexy.
I told people at work about the blog.. they were all together impressed,  but my Supervisor made an attempt to encourage it (the sweetie), but I could tell he was struggling
I didn't tell Him about the blog, just thought he would see it though twitter, but he hadn't. So he stopped the car on the way to his to read it. When he finished he looked up and gave me the look. It makes it so much more worthwhile knowing that He is supporting me.... Feel like I actually can do it.
So I stayed the night at his last night and it was a good night....
Today, I have realised the huge task I am attempting. I have been looking a photos of me when I was fat, and I'm so happy that thats not me know.. Just have to accept this version of me, and be thankful for what I've got.
Oh Dear.

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

It begins

So here we are. The 21st June 2011. The day I turn my life around.
I guess you need to know some background.
I am a student who likes to live life as complicated as possible. Not intensionally, I might add, but thats just the way it seems to pan out.
Like quite a few people, I suffer from a huge lack of self confidence. It has always been a problem, as it has meant that I havent been able to accept myself, and has always tried to conform to what I thought that was 'acceptable'. But that was just my life. Never thinking I was good enough, stopping myself doing things in fear of rejection.
Then I fell in love. About a year ago I found this amazing guy that was so different to anyone before. He made me feel accepted.
It wasn't until recently, when he told me that my lack of self confidence was actually starting to get in the way of our relationship, that I realised how extreem my low self confidence actually was.
So now its time to change.
I'm not that fat ginger kid anymore, and so I have to stop living like I am.
I have to start believing in myself and my abilities. Gain that confidence that I crave.
I'm under no illusion that its going to be a piece of cake, but I am willing to try, not just for the Him, the guy that loves me and who I love, but for me. I need to become the person I'm meant to be and stop living my life for others.
I AM the leading lady of my own life.
Its now time to start living like it.