Since I got back from my week away (almost 3 weeks) I have had to plan all my meals and snacks because of having very little money. At first it was good knowing what I was eating, knowing what I had to buy, if anything, for that week.
However I have had the same foods over and over again. The lack of variation in my diet is really getting to me, and I can't do anything to change it until this weekend, and even then I have to plan all my meals again because it is only 3 weeks until I go home for Christmas.. Its just got totally ridiculous!
The thing is is that I find it really difficult not having control of what I am eating. Normally I would plan purely for that day to know what I was eating and when. It is a trait that worries my mother and all of my good friends because it is an anorexic tendency, but having lost all that weight, and gaining all that confidence (!), I just dont want to go back there and I fear that if I don't control what I eat that I will just get fat again.
I am in no denial that I have food issues because I do. I try to stick to having carbs once a day, I weigh out a lot of my food, I try and only have 2 snacks in a day..... I know it is not good, but habits are so hard to break.
I have gotten much better than I was. At my worst, about 2 years ago, I would eat less than 1000 calories a day, try and reduce it day by day, and if I didn't I would eat even less the next day to try and balance it out. It was easy to do as my mum was working all day and so wouldn't be there to watch me. I did get busted, which I am so grateful for, and I would NEVER go back there again.
I would love to have a massive bowl of pasta and not worry about it. Or go and get a takeaway without not eating much the next day, but I find it so hard. I sit in my house and look enviously at what my flat mate is eating without a care in the world.
There really are only a couple of people who I feel that I can let go with, but even then I will never loose all of the control.
I know that you might be reading this and thinking to yourself 'Just eat, its not that hard! Stop being so fussy....' But its not that simple. I really do try, and as you can see, I used to be a whole lot worse. I know that I have an alright figure and that I don't really need to worry about what I eat becasue I go to the gym on a regular basis, but I do. I always will, but not as much as I might do now/or have done.
I know that this post has taken a different direction to what it started out as, but I think that it important for me to say it and admit that I still have some definite issues of food.
This is not a trait of mine that I want to accept, this is something that I want to change.
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ReplyDelete"'Just eat, its not that hard! Stop being so fussy....'" No your attitude makes sense. Our bodies haven't evolved to cope with the ready availability of food. The energy we don't use gets converted, some of it into long-term fat supplies for a 'rainy day' and we gain weight if we consume too much.
ReplyDeleteWhen we try to lose weight by reducing our intake our bodies treat that fat as a lot of people treat their rainy day savings "I don't have to use it yet; better to see if things get worse". So it hoards it and still takes a portion of our consumption to stash away 'just in case'.
If we combine the diet with exercise we're using more energy, but with less intake and we can become lethargic.
With persistence the stores are dragged out and get used and we lose weight. To celebrate we return to a less strict diet and the body goes "Hah I'm not going to get caught out by that again" and shovels the intake into long-term fat and the weight goes straight back on.
It's a case of patience and acclimatizing your body to the intake its getting so it doesn't flip out, which incidentally is why crash diets can be so bad for you.
So long story short (too late) you're right to keep an eye on what you're eating just try not to be obsessive over Calorie counting.