Monday 20 February 2012

An Unexpected Turn Of Events

It all went a bit tits up towards the end of the week.
I havent been eating properly, well very much at all, because I havent had my grant though from Student Finance, and my loan doesn't even cover my rent. Any money I had saved I used up last term, so I have had to cut down on spending just so I can pay for my rent, not including bills.
At the end of last week, I got very tired due to the lack of food and I have had a lot of work to do for Uni. I came home on Thursday night to find that someone in my flat had help themselves to half my milk. Normally I wouldn't care so much, like with my butter that has been steadily going down over the weeks, but the fact that I could afford to replace it meant that having half of it gone sent me over the edge.
I just broke down. The thing is is that the reason I havent got my grant is not because Student Finance is being slow, but because my mother just refuses to do the accounts that they need. I don't know if it is a control thing, but after many hints from me she refused to acknowledge how bad the situation had got. In the end I had to resort to getting my brother involved.
Consequently it has put a strain on my mothers and mines relationship and I am now not talking to her because I am just so angry. The fact that she called me up the following morning in tears, telling me she was a massive failure and she has pushed em away, really didn't help her.
So I have had a massive binge this weekend, stocked up my calories for the week ahead, and just done the thing that I enjoy the most: baking.
Dad and his wife posed some interesting questions to me and it really got me thinking. I have realised that I have not been living my life for myself. That has to change.
I am at uni for purely practical reasons, but I am not going to join a corporation like everyone expects me to. I want to bake. I want to do what I love, and I am good at it! Yes, I do want to live my life a certain way, and you do need a certain amount of money for it, but who says I'm not going to be successful? I could make that money by doing something I actually enjoy rather than sitting behind a desk all day.
Its time for change, and if people don't like it then they aren't worth it.
I AM the leading lady of my own life.

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